How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much doesit cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africaa man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happinesswas until I got married; and then it was too late."

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -Sacha Guitry

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie Mason

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.