15. Degree on the wall reads "Doctor of Swingology."

14. "I'm afraid there's not much you can do with a penis that small."

13. Her latest book: "Women Are From Venus, Men Are Lyin' Bastards"

12. "Just shut up and screw" doesn't seem like very good advice.

11. After you've earned enough "session points", you get to choose either a Louisville Slugger or a Tazer gun.

10. When you and your spouse claim sexual incompatibility, he throws a couple of pillows on the floor and says, "Prove it."

9. "Communication, schmunication - let's talk about 'backdoor love'..."

8. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Dr. Ike Turner will see you now."

7. You quickly discover that his motto, "Don't worry, be happy" is pretty much the extent of his knowledge of the English language.

6. Always takes Hillary's side.

5. In order to open the lines of communication, she begins the first session by hooking your genitals up to a car battery and tossing your wife the keys.

4. Agrees with husband that a request to "honk on Bobo" is foreplay enough.

3. "Mrs. Jones, I believe your husband is correct. Youare a whiny bitch."

2. Her last name has six hyphens.

.... And the #1 sign you've hired the wrong Marriage Counselor is:

1. Keeps repeating, "If you can't change course, you must divorce."