| Our Guide to Essay Writing
1. Avoid
alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid clich? like the plague.
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands
& abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell
me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as clich?.
13. Don't be
redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14.
Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is always best.
16. One-word
sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Go around the barn at high noon
to avoid colloquialisms.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be
derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Exaggeration is a billion
times worse than understatement.
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